Sunday, September 20, 2009

Buaaji……..Remembering you

She was my dad’s father’s sister, after the India Pakistan division she settled in Mumbai with her husband while My grandfather with his family in Agra….Buaaji gave birth to daughter which unfortunately died within 2,3 months of her birth…...and after few years her husband died….so she came to live with her brothers(my grandfather)….I was born six months earlier to my grandfathers death….so I don’t remember him at all….and moreover due to me weak memory I don’t remember much of my childhood and whatever I remember major part of the memories are of Buaaji….I have never come across a lady so strong,practical and so loving……..She told me she loved me most and same was with me, I loved her the most ,more than I loved my mother,at night I use to sleep with her ,I ate food from her plate only and she was the first one I use to say Jai sita ram in the morning and she was the one who use to carry my bag from auto to the room when I use to come from school.
Until her death I did not realized mom is supposed to be the most important lady in a kids life, she was that to me, I even remember she called me once and told me to stop doing mischievous since her heart bleeds if anyone scolds me…….She loved kajol in the movie Dushman….she loved Rishi kapoor since his mother was her best friend while she was in Mumbai and they lived on same floor, She told me stories which I still are deeply ingrated in my mind.….I remember going with her to Nirankari Bhawan every Sunday and gladly missing Disney World.
Any of my smallest achievements were her biggest victory, her chest inflated with pride when I recited Ramayan in Nirankari Bhawan and received a pen for appreciation, and also remember that once she badly scolded my cousin because we had a fight(yes she was very bias for me )and also once she scolded my elder siblings since they were making fun of me. I never ever saw her cribbing for her fate, or whining like other oldies on health issues, I mostly saw her doing Simran and reading her religious book, her profound trust on her Babaji and his teachings on Nirakar Swarup of god(Shapeless God) would force atheist to believe in god….she was ever smiling cheerful lady with a kind attitude, her smile had some kind of enigma that one would have to forcefully remove eyes from her face…her humour can get anybody rolling on floor…..her grace blended with her white hairs was eye catching……..and her straight forwardness would let anybody to think twice before talking to her…..but mostly I remember her for the immense love she showered upon me. The Cutest scene of the world I have seen till date is when my dadi(grandmother) and she would get ready with all neatly tiff white suits and white duppatta and with walking sticks in hands, wearing lovely smiles and naughty eyes, to have a visit somewhere and they would hold each other’s hand to cross the road.
I remember she told me once, that she wanted to learn English….and my lessons would start with A for apple….she knew that stuff but I did not know that she knew and she would patiently listen to my kiddish teachings all day long……she once told me that she once wanted to fly in airplane and I remember her happiness when my chacha sent tickets for dadi and buaaji for Kuwait, I cried like anything when she went for two months, I missed her each and every day…..I was in sixth class then……after they came from Kuwait we had a huge tragedy in our family and she proved to be the biggest support system for my grandmother since she had lost her youngest son then…..after that I remember buaaji started deteriorating in health and she had a clue that she is about to die………I can blurredly remember once I was playing in the verandah in one winter afternoon and she was eating food……..she called me twice or thrice but I did not listen so she first time shouted my name and told me that,”You are not listening to me and sooner you wont be able to listen to me since I am going to die”……I was too young to understand this but still I cried like anything hugging and kissing her badly…………She had already told my mom what clothes should be on her body while all the rituals for funeral to be taken if she dies suddenly….she had all the things prepared so that there should be least work for my family to ponder upon if she dies suddenly.......and then her condition was becoming bad to worse and still I slept in her room only because I did not wanted to miss any single moment with her, I loved massaging her legs and her back, I loved combing her hairs, I loved talking to her even when she was unconscious, nobody knows but I then also told her all my school stories and would wake her up, but she won’t respond and I would cry by her side, she remained unconscious for weeks and whenever she would be conscious she wont remember anything but she remembered me and looked at me at times and even sometimes stared at me…..I was not able to tolerate that since she did not talk to me….but my dadi would told me that’s what happens to old people…….and then I remember a day when god was coming to take her…..her body was breathless whole day….everybody in my family since morning had inclination that she is about to die….but I did not know since what mattered to me most was that I have to massage her back and have to do my homework sitting by her side….but that was not so…..she was dying ….my mom was giving her ganga jal…..and she was loosing her breath….i was just shouting and crying to call a doctor and was running to one elder to another my dadi was crying in another room……and last movement I saw in her body was her feet shaking…………and she died…..and I lost her……She used to say that this birth was her last birth, and after this she would attain Salvation, I do wish she attains that but I also wish she should come back to my family to again give all the love, kindness and blessings she gave then!